Prediction: US Open 2021 (Torrey Pines)

June 17, 2021

It doesn’t feel like it’s been a whole year since the US Open. And that is because it hasn’t. The September 2020 US Open gave us Bryson’s first major. Will he win another? Only time will tell, but we can guess….

JK
Winner: Brooks Koepka
Winning Score: -1
Runner Up: Dustin Johnson
“Unknown” in the Top 10: Corey Connors
Last Year’s Winner (Brooksy….oh, no, wait, it’s Bryson) Will … (Win, Top10, Make the Cut, or Miss the Cut): Smash a protein shake on his pants and look like diarrhea, but somehow end up top 10
The Master’s Winner (Hideki) Will: Make cut
The PGA Winner (Phil) Will: Miss cut
The Open Champion (No one) Will: screw the Brits. A whole year without their golf. Not a fan.
OWGR #1 Dustin Johnson will: Runner up
OWGR #2 Justin Thomas will: make cut
OWGR #3 Jon Rahm will: Top 10
How many prior major winners will be in the Top 10: 4
Will someone win it, or will everyone else lose it? No one ever wins at the US Open. War of attrition is the default
What will be the biggest story of the tournament? Godzilla comes out of the ocean to quietly watch golf from the beach. Bryson first asks for a free drop because Godzilla is in line-of-sight; Bryson blames five 3-putts on Godzilla breathing too loudly distracting him.

LG
Winner: Bryson baby!
Winning Score: -22. New record for the king of golf
Runner Up: Bryson. He gets both spots because of his margin of victory
“Unknown” in the Top 10: Bryson is the only name you need to know
Last Year’s Winner (Bryson) Will … (Win, Top10, Make the Cut, or Miss the Cut): Repeat, bro!
The Master’s Winner (Hideki) Will: no one cares. Bryson!!
The PGA Winner (Phil) Will: pay homage to Bryson
The Open Champion (No one) Will: the R&A will give Bryson the Claret Jug too in honor of his win
OWGR #1 Dustin Johnson will: behind Bryson
OWGR #2 Justin Thomas will: way behind Bryson
OWGR #3 Jon Rahm will: way, way behind Bryson
How many prior major winners will be in the Top 10: Bryson will be given all the majors in honor of his win
Will someone win it, or will everyone else lose it? Bryson wins after 11 free drops from ant hills
What will be the biggest story of the tournament? Sales of protein shakes hit new record after Bryson drinks one from the US Open trophy

(LG was too lazy to write his own predictions. Some poetic liberty was taken)

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